Saturday, December 22, 2007

Where has time gone?

Hi-Missed me? I've missed having the time to do this- just came out of finals, right in time for the holidays. The never-ending race to get things done!
Ok- for the good news- aced my semester at school. Don't ask me how, because I thought I was doing horribly in the photo class. A small miracle at best- many thanks and praises to my God and Savior for getting me through it!
Let me just tell you about the experiences in photo class, before I get into anything else. Ever work in a darkroom? That was interesting. Seems I have a problem with night vision and balance- so when the lights went off I got dizzy (more so than my usual blond moments). To develop the photos we had to keep going out of the darkroom, so that we could see if what we were getting was any good. Going in and out of the darkness made me sooooo ill- so I finally just gave up, and stayed in the darkroom until I got the required number of prints done- which were pretty bad, since I couldn't really see what I was doing. Not a pleasant experience!
I think the only thing that redeemed me in this class was our final project. We had to do a video of sorts- set photos to music. I was pretty OK with how it turned out. Once I figure out how to upload it to I'll post a link- and hopefully will get some feedback.
The photo above is one of the finals- the song I choose was Casting Crowns, East to West, and this image went with the line, "the chains of yesterday surround me." I was blessed with some great weather- 55 in Cincy in November, a day off and some time at Spring Grove Cemetery. I came across a crypt that had the chain on the doors- and took advantage of it. I did get a few strange looks as I was laying on the ground shooting up- but it turned out pretty well.
Ok- finals are over, Christmas is almost here, shopping is done- time to relax. Hopefully I'll have more time for this. I've missed it.
Until next time, may God hold and keep you,

Monday, November 12, 2007

Monday, Monday

Hi. Happy Monday! Just think- it's all downhill from here- Friday is just a few short days away.
I know, I'm silly. I had a loooong busy weekend and I'm still feeling it- I had to go back to work to recover! We did lots of fun things- dinner with friends, school work, church(es) and put together gifts boxes for Operation Christmas Child. That was a blast, finding things that would fit in a shoe box, that you know a child would like. If you've never done it I highly suggest doing it next year. Just the joy of doing it made it great- the idea that in some way I'm loving on someone I don't even know- that's huge. A step towards loving as God loves us!
This weekend promises to be just as jam packed- with the food drive and the welcoming dinner for Richard at Good Shepherd (I am so proud of him!), but I can't wait. If only I can fit in things like homework and sleep...
Speaking of homework, I finally figured out how to include things I've created- like this poster. I was so excited about figuring that out. There's a whole lot more stuff that I've created that I enjoy or am proud of that I would like to share ('fess up- my photos suck!)- AND now I know how to do it! Isn't that great- well at least to me it is! The poster was a school project- I really enjoy the feathers- created in Illustrator. I think they turned out pretty well. So, I'm sure there will be more stuff that pops up. And I'm sure there will be more photos- if I don't start on the final, well, that would be a really bad thing. But keep an eye out for the llamas- my personal Christmas card- Ok- I know, what do llamas have to do with Christmas- well, in my world it works- they could have been at the birth- they are relatives of the camel.
The photo is a little fuzzy-it was taken last week at the installation ceremony at GSCC, when some of the people gathered around Richard to pray. I was pretty torn, I wanted to be up there with him, but wanted a picture too- so when someone volunteered to take it for me I jumped at that- and I am so grateful to them. It was a pretty intense experience- to feel the love and spirit that was in the room. I'm really glad I got to share that with him.
Until next time- remember, every minute is a blessing and a gift.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Fall is in the air

Wow, it's cold today. I broke down and turned the heat on- I had promised myself I wouldn't do this until AT LEAST Thanksgiving- but it's really cold today. Some promises are meant to be broken! I think I need to move south!

Actually, as strange as this sounds, I welcome the fall and coming winter. It brings new beginnings, with the new church and all, but more than that it signifies the end of 2007- something I never thought would come. As I look back on this year I am truly thankful that God has been with me through all the troubles, heartaches and trials that have happened. The one really good thing that has come out of this year is the well of faith I have found inside myself, and the love that God has shown me, the support and the strength.

It's been a year of growth in that aspect. As I look back at it I wonder why it was so important to grow, and have I learned all I need to learn, grown in the ways I need to grow and gotten to the place where I need to be? I'm really not sure on any of those accounts. Then I transgress of into thoughts of- did I really need to have my house destroyed, or, why did Lori have to die, or why did the people who stole from me need to do that, or why the rollercoaster ride in personal matters? None of it makes much sense. I know I'll never get the answers I need to these questions-but one thing is certain- it is all coming to an end- 12:01 am on 12-2-07 signifies a NEW YEAR! (at least to me)- and on that date, as I have so many, many times in the past months, I will thank God once again for seeing me through, and embrace whatever the day may bring!

God is good. Embrace the day, minute and hour- and give thanks for all He's done.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

The Power of Prayer

Ever pray? Yeah, maybe sometimes- ok, more than that, but not nearly enough. Ever wonder if your prayers matter? I do. Sometimes I think it's just a waste of my time (and His). Do my prayers really make a difference? Have I accomplished something by praying, have my prayers been hear, and does God really answer MY prayers. All difficult questions to answer.

Over the last few months I've been praying that my sweetheart, S.O. or ?(insert the term of your choice here) would get the appointment at a specific church, (he's a pastor). I was, am, really excited about this church, for a variety of reason, the main one being that I really feel like this is a place where we as a couple can work in ministry together, to grow and spread the kingdom of God. What a great thing that would be for all involved- the church, but closer to home, for us as a couple. To love one another, and have God at the center of that relationship, well, that's about as good as it gets, for me anyway. (Richard might have other ideas- he is so from Mars sometimes!)

Ok- well that prayer has been answered. His start date is Nov. 1. I'm so excited for him! But wait-what about me? I'm not pastor's "wife"(for lack of a better term) material- heck I'm not sure that I'm congregation material! I don't know the right things to say, the right things to do, and I'm not really big on the right things to wear either!

And politics- I am not, and probably never will be politically correct, or suave. In fact office politics tend to go right over my head. I've led a "sheltered" life, and am pretty naive. And for the most part I like that- what you see with me is what you get, I don't sugar coat things or really embrace things like that. A spade is a spade.

OK, so where does that leave me? Eating a lot of crow, or pulling my foot out of my mouth? Probably both. I know one thing for certain- God has been hearing my prayers, and answers them. Maybe I need to learn to be more specific- who knows? Like perhaps, let me not be a problem in this move, and show me what it is You want me to do? All I know is that the ride starts, and I just pray that I'm a help to this career move and not hurtful to him in any way.

Be careful of what you pray for- God is an awesome God and answers prayers that we have no idea on what to do with...
Until next time, blessings...

Monday, October 22, 2007

Deep in thought and in need of prayer

Hi. I know I mentioned major decisions that need to be made this week. Well, that still needs to happen- I'm really dragging my feet. So I thought I'd sign on and ask for prayers- prayers for guidance and strength, prayers for ends to means, and ways through the ups and downs. Prayers that God will provide the guidance I need, and the faith to believe in the things he puts in my path, and the ability to achieve all these things and more. So, if you're reading this, please pray for me.

The photo is a candid of Steph, deep in studies. I'm really proud of her- works full time, and continues to make great progress towards her next degree. She is a blessing.

My prayers are with all...

Sunday, October 21, 2007


I made the comment today that I really, really hated that word right now- dreams, or perhaps I said that I was really tired of it. I think it was that I was tired of it. It's come up on a regular basis lately, which is pretty scary, considering the thoughts I've had lately of letting dreams go, of moving on, of finding other paths, journeys, desires.
I question the timing of these thoughts, and of the origin. Are they of me, in my finite humanness or of God, in his infinite wisdom and goodness? I wonder at this greatly, because I believe that God is consistent, and the things he has brought me to have been consistent. So... it must be me.Ok, so, do I throw away things that I've worked so hard for, only to regret that in the future, or do I hold on to the things that God holds for me, and have faith in his word, vision, dreams? Only time will tell...

On to other topics- photography is killing me. I am doing so poorly right now.I mean, BAD. As of now there goes that 4.0! Makes me wonder at all the above even more... and then we get this really, really cool assignment. To put images to whatever song it is we wish- it can be a video set to instrumental music, images set to a song we like, anything. I was debating on doing a montage of photos that relayed the steps of grief that one works through when faced with the loss of a loved one. At first I thought that this would be a way to work further through the pain of losing LBH, but I'm shying away from that one. A little too much of me in it, a little too personal and painful.
So, that one's out- for now. One of the great things about being female is that God, in his infinite wisdom, gave us the ability to be able to justify our changing moods! My next idea is to do a "video", a personal look at the images I think of when I hear a song. Ok, like that's not personal. Being female here! The song is my current favorite, East to West, Casting Crowns. I've worked through most of it, which is pretty easy, considering that almost all music influences some thought of images in my mind- so this hasn't been too hard. I am a little hung up on the lines:
I don't want to end up where you found me
and it echoes through my mind
so if anyone has any ideas for that, please write. I was thinking about showing neon from a bar, but that gives the wrong idea- if people take this as my personal look at this song then they might get the idea that alcohol plays a part in what I don't want to go back to- but that's not the case. I really just don't want to go back to being a person who didn't have a real relationship with God, but I'm not sure how to portray that.
Ok, well enough for one night. Please pray for me over the next week as I struggle with the decisions that need made, the dreams that need faced, and the things I stand to loose- like myself.
In Christ's name-

Friday, October 5, 2007

No great title for this one!

Hi! Nothing really to talk about tonight- just got back from taking more photos and wanted to share some of them. Perhaps I'll have some deep thoughts or such later- but right now it's enough that it's finally Friday- TGIF! God is good.

Ok- gotta love the sad puppy dog eyes- this is the "queen"of the house, Trixie- she really just tolerates we mere mortals.
The sunset was a blessing from God, the view from my kitchen window. I enjoy how the sky lights up the chimney cap, adding texture to the color (it's easier to see in a larger image). The middle one is from some center downtown by the square. I love the colors- again easier to see larger.

I'm really starting to get into this- and have added a new camera to my wish list. So, we'll see, but it's pretty far down the list, behind all the new mac stuff that I really, really want. Have you seen the new IMAC's- beauty in the simplicity- Apple really does get it right!
In Christ's peace...

Monday, October 1, 2007


Hi. Rambling will probably occur at great length here. One of the way my mind works- or doesn't work, depending on who you talk to! No great, (or even bad) photos to post today. Last week's project really kicked my rear end. Oh well, such is life. Next week promises to be more fun-night photos- if not better images(blame the photographer and NOT the subject!

It's funny how God works- now why would I call that funny? Maybe mystical, spiritual, but funny- ok, maybe not... anyway, as I was driving home last night I heard the song for which this blog is named, and it was a reminder- a reminder that words mean so much to me, written, spoke, sung, and that I was neglecting myself when I neglect one of my "loves". So, here I am again,(writing) naturally (isn't that a really bad, old song?)

Then this morning the first song I heard was East to West- mentioned in a previous writing- but it really meant much to me today- especially the part about the (wo)man I used to be- not that I was ever bad or evil, but I know that the person I was isn't who I want to be today- mainly because if I was still the old me, well, no learning or growth would have occurred and without that, well why bother?
That's pretty relevant to me today. I had a learning experience over the weekend that really touched me, and made me see a few things. One of them was that we choose our scripts- and that the scripts of yesterday need not apply today. Another one linked to that same experience is that if we believe something about ourself, say we believe we are useless, or less than, or not valued- as much as someone tries to convince us otherwise, we won't believe it. The final thought that came out of this was that unless we trust, ourselves, others close to us, God, that we WON'T grow. So, I guess I'm not the person I used to be after all. What a great thing.

I changed my mind about adding a photo- the beautiful blond (or should I say multi-colored?) is my daughter, Stephanie, and the little girl is Lori's daughter, Gabrielle. Can you tell I'm partial to the person my daughter is? She's so neat. She's as pretty inside as out. The only real thing I wish I could change about her is her relationship with God- I wish it were stronger. But He's pulling at her, so I know it's only a matter of time. I have this hanging at work over my desk, so that I can remind myself of how beautiful life is and how short it is. I wish Lori could have lived to see this. Yeah, I miss her today... and every day.

Lord, thank you for the day, the opportunities and the your love. Guide me, protect me and love me. Help me to love others as you would have me too, and to walk in your path, your way and your light. In Christ's name, amen.

'Til next time- Blessings and love. TC

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Really Cute Kids

Are these girls great or what? Finally- something to take photos of that I love! No, really, I"m starting to get the hang of it- just had to show off these two- my step-grands. I had them most of the weekend, so many of my photos for this week feature them. Good thing they like getting their picture taken, although Lily was pretty tired and was not willing to smile. I call that her-"Grandma Teri has worn me out look"- wish I could say that it made bedtime easy- but that was NOT the case. Riley has her usual look, a combination of determination and devilment. What a combo- one of these days she'll take the world on single handed- and win!
It's great being a grandma- (or step grand)- God really has this figured out- I came to the conclusion yesterday, sometime between Chucky Cheese's, grocery shopping with these two, church and bedtime, that menopause is a great thing. I used to consider it a curse- didn't seem fair to me that men could have kids until the day they die, but women are cut off, (and in my case that happened unnaturally early), but now I get it. Who has the strength to do this 24/7? Not I said the fly!
But really, it was great. A blessing, one that I can't thank God enough for. In fact, this whole weekend was great. Time with God, time with my girls, and time with my sweetheart. Life doesn't get any better than this!
Until next time- may God bless and keep you and hold you close.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Another day, another ???

Another day-Is it Friday yet???? This is really the never ending week at work- one obstacle after the other. Funny how quickly I learned to live for the weekend. After working a job for years that required I work part of the weekend, I find it amazing that in two short years I have so embraced weekends off and relish the long holidays that pop up throughout the year. God is good!

It's all good. Great news- I get the opportunity to design a complete marketing campaign- from the new logo, and all the company literature, to the direct mail, and the print campaign. My first total campaign on my own. Can you tell I'm excited? I love logo design- taking the ideals and character of the company, and creating something that fits with who they are and who they want to be. This is so cool! My one thought is that I really, really, really hope this company is in the 21st century and wants something modern. One of my loves is abstract form, and I'm hoping to utilize that in some way. We'll see.

It kind of amazes me, this path God set me on. If someone had told me 10 years ago that I would be a graphic designer, and would have not only attended college but aced it, well, I would have laughed at them. Dreams really do come true! I read a book a few years ago, The Aladdin Factor, by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen, and in it one of the exercises was to write down 101 wishes. I recently found my list, and can say that I've worked through roughly 20-30% of those wishes. It was pretty amazing to see that, considering when I wrote it I really thought none of them would come true. So, considering that, I'm going to own all of them, and work towards them!

Another ???- ok, I warned you about the photos. I like this one, but think that perhaps I need to photoshop out the wires and the transformer box. It really represents the beauty of the day and the lines are great. And just think- I took it. Wow.( I know, people who do this for a living, or even fun might not get that, but this is me- the person who for DECADES hid from any type of dealing with a camera- behind or in front of the lens.) Any thoughts?

Lord- thank you, for all you do, all you promise and all you provide. Let my heart and life be yours, lead me and I will follow. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Gotta go- later days...

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Ever hear the Casting Crowns song East to West? One of the lines really stands out in my head
-I don't want to end up where You found me, And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight.

I'm struggling this week, with many things, faced with seemingly unending issues that need to be dealt with, and the strong thought that my faith is smaller right now than a mustard seed, and so unsure of how to build it, how to step out in it. I pray and pray, and am so unclear of the direction in which to do, the steps to take, the decisions to make. One thing that is constant is the idea that I don't want to go back to where God found me- hence the pull of the song. I wonder if God hears me. I hope so. I think he does, so perhaps the question should be, I wonder if I hear God? Am I listening? If not, then why?

Ok, enough of that. Time for some good thoughts. Like the photo? I do. I'm in a photography class, (which, by the way is kicking my rear end because I just don't get this stuff), and one of the assignments for this week dealt with taking close ups. While the composition isn't the best- I wish it wasn't so centered, I love the colors. I visited Gorman's Farm over the weekend, and had a blast walking around with my camera. Thank God for digital- so easy to delete the horrible ones, and there were quite a few of them! But, this one worked. Hope you enjoy it. Til next time. Blessings!

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Missing LBH

One of my dearest, lifelong friends passed away earlier this year, Loretta Beth Heile Hancock, or as she was known to me, LBH. I used to tease her right after she got married that I found it very thoughtful of her to marry someone with the last name that had the same initial of her maiden name, that way my pet name for her didn't have to change. How long ago that seems. A lifetime and a death has occurred since then. I miss her, some days more than others. I find myself still picking up a phone to call her to share some little tidbit that is important to me that only she would understand. Sometimes late at night I find that the memories won't stop running through my mind, and the tears start to flow, and I wonder if I'm slowly losing my mind, or if this is normal, a part of the stages of grief that one must go through to get to the other side of a death.

Maybe it's that this is a holiday weekend, or that I got to see her kids, but I can't get her out of my thoughts today. She's been on my mind quite a bit. Truth be told there hasn't been a day in the last 30 odd years that she didn't run through my mind at least once, even during the times that we weren't in as much contact as we once were. Death hasn't changed that. What's changed is the brutal realization that all the things I would store up to share with her won't be shared anymore. That file on the computer, with all the little ideas and projects that I would send her won't get sent anymore, that the good or bad news of the day and the week stay with me, that the pride and joys of everyday life stop here.

In one of our last conversations she asked me who I was sharing all the little details with- I had screened back tremendously what I shared with her, with the idea that she had enough of her own troubles to deal with, cancer, young children, husband, that she didn't need to her my trials, tribulations and heartbreak. In doing that I did myself and her a great disservice. I lost time and memories that will never be regained. I wish with all my heart I could change that.

I think the thing I miss most about her is the history we shared, all the ups and downs. The idea that I could share my deepest thoughts with her and not have to worry that she would find me strange, or think I was crazy. And that she could do the same. Friends like that don't come along every day. I've been blessed to have a few relationships like this in my life, but the one I shared with LBH was the longest, and as I grow older that is so important to me.

Her death makes me wonder what it's like on the other side, what is to come, and what can I do before it comes. Who can I touch, who can I love and what good will life be. I find myself clinging, (maybe too much) to the people that are still here, and worrying about things I can't control. I keep reminding myself of the scripture that tells us to not worry about tomorrow for today has enough troubles, and yet it's so hard.

I miss you Lori. You are loved.

Sunday, August 26, 2007


a feeling of quiet pleasure or security, often while unaware of some potential danger, defect, or the like; self-satisfaction or smug satisfaction with an existing situation, condition, etc.

Ever wake up with one idea that just sticks out like a neon light in your mind? And not really know why? That's what happened to me today- and the idea concerned complacency. What a deep thought to wake up with on a weekend day. Not something I can say I really enjoyed, because, well, there has to be some time off from the rest of the week, right? Spending my day in deep thought about such a deep subject was just NOT really where I wanted to go. But, the seed had been planted, and would continue to sprout throughout the day.

The initial thought behind it was that it's so easy to become complacent in so many, perhaps all, areas of our lives. I know that for myself this is an issue I struggle with in great detail sometimes. Three areas just popped out at me today, so I'll work with those. I'm sure there's a whole lot more- but God is kind enough, and more than loving enough to understand that dealing with these three was enough for one day!

The first- and the easiest to talk about! After years of working a job I totally hated, I found one that was better suited to my gifts and dreams, and yet I find myself called to start the process of find a job all over again. But I've become complacent- the job I have works for me some of the time, and that allows me the false sense of security that helps me ignore the all too real fact that this job is just not creative enough, doesn't stretch me enough to make me happy in the long run. The danger here- in losing what I've worked really hard to achieve, the danger of losing focus in what God is calling me to do, and straying from the path He has set out in front of me.

The second is, (and by no means are these in any order of importance, because they are ALL important) is relationships. Today the relationship that concerns me is of the S.O. type. I woke up with the thought that when I refuse to ask or acknowledge that I have a need that isn't being met that I am being complacent, that assuming that my needs aren't important, or that whatever it is that is bothering me can wait until another day is dangerous. This so came back to bite me in the rear end today. Before I go any further, let me tell you I consider myself so blessed in this area of my life. I'm in a relationship with a wonderful person who loves God more than he loves anybody- and I consider it truly a gift from God to be able to say that, and to know God is such a part of our path, our lives and our love. The only problem with this relationship is that, well I'm from Venus and he's from Mars, and sometimes we just don't speak each other's love languages. So, I woke up needing to hear that I was loved, in some manner- a simple phone call would have worked, you know, one I didn't dial. (All the women can relate to this and all the men are scratching their heads saying I don't quite get it, and that's ok. This is for me). Anyway, I didn't get that, so I got it in my mind to ignore to some extent a pattern for us, one that I might add means a great deal to me. But I was being a a bit hardheaded, I am Irish-and so I went ahead and did other things. Now, how was that being complacent you might ask. Well, because I totally expected this to blow over and not have an effect on us, me, him. Let me tell you that was so wrong. Not only did I hurt his feelings, (for which he showed me grace and accepted my heartfelt apology), but I cheated myself out of something I enjoyed, and expected it to not have any effect. That's being pretty complacent.

The third thing came at church this morning. The pastor was talking about the ways we connect to God, and walked through 8 different ways. One of the things that hit me so hard about this was that in the two ways I connect to God I had become very complacent.

I feel God the most when I'm doing intellectual connecting- digging deep into what some scripture means, or through sensate connecting- connecting to God through art, music, preferably all my senses. And I haven't been doing this. Intellectually, the ideal is to pick apart some idea, to read something that relates to God and discuss it. Sensate connecting for me can be as simple as listening to worship music on the radio, or as complex as opening myself up to a creative venue, project that God wants me to do. There's not been much of that lately, and I've really felt a disconnect- which is a huge danger. When I, we, become complacent in our ways we connect to God, well, it seems to me that those are the times that other forces fight to control us.

All this was huge stuff for me today. As you can tell from the length of this post. But it matters. It matters to me- I don't want to go through life being complacent.

Lord, Thank you for your grace, for your strength and love, and for your Son. I lift my hands and give thanks for everything in my life, the good, the bad and the ugly, because I know you've brought the beauty, that you will be with me through the bad and that you will protect me from the ugly. Lord I thank you for the thoughts you've given me, for the seeds that you've planted and the roots you've grown. Thank you for the people in my life, and the love they show me. I come before you tonight, asking for strength to walk where you would have me walk, for insight to know and understand the areas in my life where I am threatened with being foolish, and the courage to strive to be the person you call me to be. In Jesus' name, amen.

Until next time...
Proverbs 1:32: "For the waywardness of the naive will kill them, And the complacency of fools will destroy them.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Running and Soaring

Isaiah 40:31 -Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.

Have you ever felt like life was a storm, and you were being battered?
Have you ever been so tired that you felt you couldn't hang on until the next calm spot in the storm- which is usually the calm before the next storm?

That kinda sums up 2007 for me- the few calm spots followed by the next unbearable storm. That might sound pretty depressing, and at face value it is. BUT what a learning experience this year has been. I've learned more about strength, about trusting, about leaning into others, and about love than I've probably ever learned in my life. I've learned, and grown in faith, and come closer to God than ever before in my life. The verse above really true- we do gain new strength when we wait for the Lord.

Not only do we gain strength, but we are blessed in so many ways when we wait patiently on God. Even when the waiting is hard, God has a plan for us, and lets us know what that plan is one small bit at a time. We just have to take the time to trust, to take that leap of faith, that small first step. For me that step was really hard. I feel like I've been trying to do it my way all my life, and that my way should have been God's way- but I was so wrong. God doesn't work in the way I do, and more often than not we need to wait for Him.And I'm so glad I did, because if things had gone my way I would have missed out on so many blessings.

I want to share a story with anyone who is reading this. It might sound like a silly story, but it's one that reminded me of God- a blessing.
My daughter and I were painting the other day, I had enlisted her help in painting a mural, not something she wanted to do, but she did anyway. A fly flew into the paint can she was using. As I watched, she tried, in vain, to free the fly. She gently scooped it out from the paint, and took it to the bathroom to attempt to clean it off. While this was a futile effort, she really tried. Her logic was that the fly was God's creature, and deserved a chance. A few days later my son came downstairs carrying something. He went outside, and came right back in. I asked him what he was doing, and he said that there had been a fly in his room, and rather than kill it because it was bothering him, he had caught it, and went outside to let it go.As I reflected on these two events, they were a real life reminder that God cares about the smallest creatures and counts every hair on our heads, and that maybe, just maybe, my kids' compassion to a lowly fly should be a reminder to me of the care and love He gives us.

Lord, I come before you tonight to give thanks, thanks for giving me strength to not get tired, thanks for holding me up when I am tired. Lord, your grace and love are truly a gift that I desire to always appreciate. Lord, guide me and love me, and lead me to do your work, in your way, in your time. In Christ's name. Amen.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

A Plan? or a crossroad?

Jer. 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I think I'm having some type of crisis of faith. I want to believe that God has some plan for me, but I can't seem to figure out what it is for the life of me. Every have one of those days, (or weeks or months?) And when you do, do you have a hard time seeing the good you do? I guess that assumes we all do some good. I would like to make that assumption, especially about myself, but days, weeks, like this make it hard to see that.

I used to think that God was calling me to ministry, some type of work that would reach people through some form of art. I'm not sure about that anymore. At all. It's hard to be creative when you feel as if the life has been sucked right out of you. That's where I'm at. It makes me wonder if God can even use me at all, or for what. Not a pleasant thought.

I wonder if the times like this are the times when satan works in us. I find myself searching for good in all the areas of my life, and yet I come up lacking. Is it me, I wonder. What is it that seems like nothing ever goes right, or the way you really want it too?

I've put a lot of thought into walking away from everything and everyone. I guess you might call it running. Sometimes it doesn't sound so bad. Some days it sounds really, really good. Just think about it- going away where no one knows you, no one has any idea of who you are. Starting fresh. Except wherever you run too, well two things happen- one, if God wants you, and I do believe he wants us all, well, He is still there, pulling at you and calling you. And 2- well, I would still be with me, I can't very well run from myself. Kinda sucks, but hey, that's life. Then there's the people you would leave behind. I might not be a great person, but I'd like to think that the people in my life value me as much as I value them, but there's a good portion of the time I'm not so sure about that.

So it's a kind of crossroads- keeping on the path that I feel God has for me- even when I have ABSOLUTELY no idea what that path entails, or turning away from it all together- but what of the my soul. Where does that lead me? That's a little scary to even think about.

I'm not even sure why I'm writing this, because I feel as if it's me against the world today, and no one is hearing my voice. Why blog? Can't tell you right now. Maybe that will change.

Lord, be with me today. Show me your plan, guide me to where you want me to be. Help me to be the loving person you desire me to be. In Jesus name, Amen.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Footprints and Voices

I'm sure just about everyone in the Christian world has seen or read the Footprints poem- you know, the one that starts with "one night a man had a dream". Why do I mention that, and why is this the title of today's blog, you might ask. Well, today I know I'm that man, or should I say woman. God is really carrying me. I know he is, because I'm still here on this earth, yet I have no strength to carry myself. I won't go into the gory details, but I have the certainty that God is walking with me right now, and carrying a huge part of a heavy load. It makes me wonder why- why He would care? There are more important people in this world, people who have done more than I can ever imagine doing, so why would he care about me? In my mind the feebleness and smallness of who I am stands out strong today. Why do I count, why does He even care to know how many hairs are on my head.

When I was a little girl I always thought that when I met God I would ask Him things like why is the sky blue, where does rain come from, are they really His tears.. etc. Now that I'm old- (and believe me, today I feel old), I want to know things like why do I matter to you. What dreams does He want me to live, and how can someone as small and insignificant as myself serve such a great and glorious God. It doesn't make any sense to me. But not much does right now.

Voices- do you ever really desire to hear God, to hear what He has to say to you, to know His thoughts, desires and direction for you life? That is perhaps the largest personal desire I have right now, to hear HIM, to understand HIM and to let HIM guide me. That probably sounds really strange, more so to the people who know what a mess my life is, but it's my secret desire. I wonder if discernment is gift, if understanding what God really wants you to do and where he wants you to go is a gift. I wonder how he speaks to me. I know that a part of God's language to me comes through song. There are so many times when am thinking something, and a song comes on the radio that speaks to the exact thing I'm thinking of. And at those times, I know it's God. I know, I probably sound like I've lost all my marbles. And maybe I have, if it means that I'm attempting to hear My God speak to me.

The song that keeps running through my mind today is from Casting Crowns, and the refrain goes like this:

And i'll praise you in this storm
and i will lift my hands
that you are who you are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
you hold in your hand
you never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

I seek comfort in knowing He holds all my tears, and boy, does He have some big hands- because there have been many over the last few days! I will praise Him in this storm!

God, for all you've done, for every tear you've held, for the words and comfort you've given me I thank you. Lord, lead me, strengthen me and love me. Guide me to where you want me to be, what you want me to do and to those who you would have me love as you love me. In your loving son's name, Amen.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

The Power of Prayer and the Holy Spirit.

God is so awesome! I experienced first hand today the power of prayer, and the Holy Spirit moving in my life and the lives of people around me, people that I hardly know, and it's led me to a new level of understanding of the awesome power of God.

Last night I felt the urge to pray for someone I don't really know. I thought this was a little strange, but am working on that obedience thing, so I was game. I lifted up a few prayers, and shared the thought with someone close to my heart, who also lifted up a prayers of his own. I found out today that the person we had prayed for had been having a night filled with pain and felt pretty alone. When I shared my story of praying for her with her, the tears came, and she was awed at the way God works. She felt pretty alone, and was blessed to know that God was looking out for her during this time of turmoil.

While this was a blessing to her, it was even more of a blessing to me. See, I often think that God doesn't listen to me- not because He doesn't care, but well, because I don't really matter. But you know what- God wouldn't use someone who doesn't matter to do His work- and prayer is work. There are many days when I'm so down that I don't think that I will be heard, so I don't feel like it matters or not. But that is so wrong!

With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints. Eph 6:18

Therefore,having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. 3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.Romans 5:1-5

Until next time, keep Pam,Mike and their family in your prayers.

Lord, thank you the growth that you've led me to.Thank you for your son, for the Holy Spirit that touches us and fills us, allowing us to do things that we don't think in our power. Lord I come before you tonight with the plea for peace for Pam, for her family and friends. Lord heal them, guide them, and let them work towards your purpose and strength. Lord be with me every day, every minute and every second, clearing my path that I may come ever closer to the work you call me to do. In Jesus name, Amen.


Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Where you lead me Lord I will follow

One of my favorite songs at the church I attend goes something like this:

All who are weak,All who are weary,
Come to the rock, come to the fountain,
All who have sailed on the rivers of heartache
Come to the sea, Come on be set free
If you lead me Lord I will follow
Where you lead me Lord I will go
Come and heal me Lord I will follow
Where you lead me Lord I will go

For some reason this song speaks to me- probably because I definitely need healing, (don't we all), but the imagery behind the words pulls me in. It's a physical thing- come- an action that needs to be taken. An action I need to take. Who can't relate to the rivers of heartache. I know I've had my fair share in the past, am having my share in the present and am sure that there will be more to come in the future. But that's ok- because now I know where to turn- the rock.
I didn't understand totally what the rock was- I thought it was Peter and the foundation of the church, but that didn't really make sense to me. Further digging lead me down a different thought train, with the bible and the help of someone that just blesses my life I have a clearer understanding that God, and faith is the rock.

Isaiah 26:4-Trust in the Lord forever,For in God the Lord we have an everlasting Rock. (NASB)
1 Cor 10:4- and all drank the same spiritual drink, for they were drinking from a spiritual rock which followed them; and the rock was Christ.(NASB)

Matt. 7:24-"Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock.

Makes a little more sense to me now- I need to take action- have faith in God and Christ- and build my life upon that.
Seems so easy, doesn't it?

Father God, I come before you tonight with thanks for your presence in my life, for holding me close and counting the hairs upon my head. Lord, I ask that you give me strength and wisdom, discernment and guidance to answer what it is you call me to do. Guide me Lord, help me walk in Your way, seeking the truth and the light that is your only begotten son. In Christ's name I pray. Amen.

Sunday, July 15, 2007


I had a rather painful conversation today, one that result in a mini epiphany of sort- is there such a thing? Anyway, in this conversation I introduced the concept of relational integrity- the idea that I choose to treat others I am in relationship with in the way that I want to be treated, and I expect them to treat me the same. The mini epiphany came from the idea that in doing some action that goes against what I believe, well that isn't living with integrity. This was pretty painful for me. But the bigger picture, the more painful thought that I have taken actions or done things that aren't in line with my own integrity opened me up to the idea, no, the fact, that as sinners we all fall short of God's integrity. Wow, now I've got painful thoughts about two things.

Integrity- that's a huge word for me. One I'd like to think I've lived by.
Websters defines it as firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values.

Being a artist, I can see this so clearly in my art. When something upsets the balance, the integrity of a illustration or drawing, what do I do- I take it out. I have a professor that calls things such as these visual fluff- things that are added that really don't bring anything to the piece, and in reality many times detract from it.

Life's a little harder. It's full of fluff. It came to me that even if I have this moral code I'm trying to live by, well, God has a bigger code. How come it's so easy for me to try to live by my own code, which I would like to think is in line with His, but there are so many times when my code gets in the way of His. There's so many times when life's fluff gets in the way.

Maybe it's time to embrace all He calls us to do, even the things that we don't understand or really fear. Break free of the daily fluff and let Him embrace us, -me, my life, my thoughts and my dreams. Live by the integrity of His word.

12 As for me, You uphold me in my integrity, And You set me in Your presence forever. 13 Blessed be the LORD, the God of Israel, From everlasting to everlasting. Amen and Amen.Psalm 41:13-13

Monday, July 9, 2007

A Hope

Sounds a little pompous, and more than a little strange doesn't it- Stand upon a mountain. Maybe I should clarify myself- that's a goal, a dream, a life wish. It's a metaphor, a line from a song, a way of life to be lived. It's a hope. The hope to live a life that means something, that when life is over the past is remembered with joy and happiness, but the future, the life we are promised in Christ is attained, and that the days on this earth are spent living the way God, Jesus calls us to live.
The title of my blog comes from the Third Day song, Mountain of God.That song really speaks to me- broken and afraid. We must walk through the valley to stand upon the mountain. This is about valleys, and living in 2007( and hopefully years to come) the way I perceive God calls me to live. It's a chance to share thoughts, seek community and to reach out to others. It's about reaching for the mountain in the ways I know how.
Ok, well it's a start. One day at a time.