Saturday, July 5, 2008

Happy 5th of July

Where has the summer gone? The 5th of July already. Wow. Ever want to slow down time? Another 4th come and gone. We didn't make it to the lake this year- the weather wasn't cooperating. But we did make it to the cemetery- and finally got to see Lori's headstone. It's lovely. I think she would appreciate the butterflies on it. They are so her.
Every time I go there with Steph we end up having a conversation about what I would want when I die for a funeral. She's not real thrilled with that conversation. Guess I need to write a will, otherwise I'll end up in some box in the ground. Not a pleasant thought for me.
Oh well, just wanted to say hi to anyone that reads this, and to post a photo from vacation. We watched the fireworks in DC last night on tv, it was an awesome show. Made me a little wistful. Reading's fireworks are tonight, and I'm going to try to get some good photos. So hopefully there will be some of those and of the garden popping up here soon.
Til next time- "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. "For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.Matthew 7:7-8

Saturday, June 28, 2008

It's been a long time

Where has time gone? I swear (well, not really- usually when I do things like hit my thumb with a hammer...) that I was just on here. I guess I wasn't. Time flies when you're having fun- and even when you're not.

But I've been having fun- the good things first- school is over and (can you believe it?) I passed my math class with a high b. What a shock! I was doing some cleaning today and threw away the d--- math book. It felt so good! I never, ever throw away books- it's against everything I hold dear about the written word- but I had no problems tossing this one.

Life is going pretty well. Almost sounds boring. Church is good- we've started a community garden. It's so exciting to see all the little plants growing. I know, I'm so strange. Richard and I planted 50 baby tomato plants last weekend- and all week I've been worried that they aren't getting enough rain. It's kinda funny to see how I'm reacting to this gardening thing. I've always wanted a vegetable garden-even though I don't eat veggies as a rule- little did I know how much work it is. But it's for a good cause, and I'm getting a pretty good tan out of it-although Richard's will always be better than mine (haha).

Steph and I went to DC last month- hopefully I can post some of the photos we took on here. It was a great time. I love DC- probably my favorite place in the world. I had the best time just being with my daughter. It was truly a blessing. The photo is of a worship service that was being held on the mall the Saturday we were there- it was truly an awesome experience to see all the people spread across the mall, worshiping God. We didn't know it was going on, and just happened to stumble across it. I'm glad we did.

Tomorrow would have been Lori's 45 birthday, so this is a somewhat roug weekend for me. One full of memories of yesterdays' past and of things I won't get to share with her. For over 20 years we spent June 29 together, and July 4, both days just hanging out at the lake. While I know she is in a better place, I can't help but miss her. Sometimes I just want to hear her voice one more time, or share some deep female thing with her.
I guess it's times like these that I truly remember what faith is, what it means to hold on to something I can't see or prove. One step and one day at a time- Lord mostly just one minute at a time.
Til next time

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Snow Day!!

Welcome to the blizzard! What a blast this has been- a foot of snow, a day off and fun with the kids. The only downside to this whole snow storm was the fact that this was just not sledding snow. What a bummer. But we shoveled- which really was fun- we went for a walk- which was kinda weird, walking down the middle of the street and not having to worry about getting hit- and we made snowmen and angels. Ok, well, it wasn't really a snowman, per say, more of a snow head- the snow just wouldn't roll right, or maybe it's that it wouldn't pack right- but he's cute.
It really was a gift- I know, that sounds strange, to think of this huge amount of snow as a gift- but it was. God is good. When you can live through something like this, and just enjoy spending the time with your family- well, that's a gift. All good things come from God.
Hope you're enjoying this. Maybe the best thing about it was there was NO political news on today- the blizzard was more important. Thanks be to God!
Blessings- enjoy the beauty and peace,

Tuesday, March 4, 2008


Or maybe I should call this memories. I had an conversation recently that made me think of the memories we hold onto, that shape us and make us who we are today. Memories of things that happen that change our paradigms. Often those tend to be painful things to remember. Not sure why that is, but as I've thought about it today, I've come to the conclusion that change often doesn't happen without some type of pain. And not all pain is bad.

I found it interesting that this subject would come up. Why, you might ask? Well, over the past few weeks I've pondered certain things, among them the changes that growing older brings. Remember when you were younger, and certain things seemed so easy, or came pretty naturally? An example of this might be reading something- why is it as you grow older your arms need to grow longer- and that never happens?

I was thinking specifically about weight lose. It used to be so easy to lose weight for me. Maybe that was because I spent a good portion of my adulthood battling anorexia. Not that I would have classified it as a battle, it was something I embraced wholeheartedly. This sounds pretty sick- but I enjoyed being a stick. Not that I thought of myself as a stick- or saw myself as one. Oh no, when I looked into the mirror I saw someone who was so fat, so obese, so disgusting. As I look back on photos of that long period of my life I know now that this wasn't true.

It might sound strange, but somewhere in the middle of that mess that was my life God touched me for the first time. It was a life changing moment. And it was painful. I didn't want to change the way I was, because I didn't see what was wrong with it. But God showed me, opened my eyes to what I was doing to myself. Can you imagine looking in the mirror and really seeing yourself as who you are? It was a shock to me- the experience of not seeing the obese person I thought I was, and instead the rail thin, malnourished person I had become.

I wonder why God touches us at certain times? Are these the times when we're too weak to go on, or the times when we're too stubborn to really see what it is we need? As I look back, I wonder why He saved me from myself? What purpose would, will He have me serve? And while I'm asking questions- why is it that I just can't seem to embrace the methods that served me well in the past in weight lose? Hmmm, I wonder if that means I've changed?

'Til Next time,

Sunday, February 24, 2008


Ever wonder where time goes? For years I worked every weekend, mostly on Sundays, and the just on Saturdays- so having a job that gives me every weekend off is great. I totally embraced being a "9 to 5" gal, and this weekend thing. But I've come to the conclusion that maybe I need a day off on Mondays to recover from the weekend. Wouldn't that be nice? Not that I'm a party animal, or anything like that- it's just that the time goes so fast- trying to get so much done.
One of my goals for 2008 has been to devote time to getting to know God better- might sound silly to some, but it's the truth. It's been a blessing to me to be able to spend time every morning reading the bible. I've found strength in the scriptures that surprised me. One of the things I've tried to do more and more is spend time in prayer- which was a stretch for me- I hold a paradigm close to my heart that says that I am too insignificant for God to listen to, so why would he listen to my prayers. It's been a definite growth lesson to see many of my prayers answered, and to hear the voice of God in the silence.
There really is something to the idea- being still and knowing God. Hope all is well with anyone who reads this.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Trying this again

Ok, it didn't work the first time- so here I am again. Persistence is a good thing, right? Anyway, I'm pasting in a link- if you copy it it will take you to my video on ( another page to manage- haven't done anything with it yet?).


Monday, February 18, 2008

Photo Final

Hi! If this works, I'm adding my final from photo class. We'll see. If it doesn't work, well I'll try again. Keep in mind that I really am not a photographer, or a video maker. But it was done with love, for God and for the song, so it works for me. The timing needs a little work towards the end- but that's not going to happen any time soon!
This really was a work of love for me. This song speaks to me. The whole CD does really. I got lucky with it- have you ever bought a CD because you really like one song, only to find that the one song you liked is the only one you like? Not so with this CD- I love them all- and they touch me, and bring me closer to my Savior and God. That's what it's all about- the relationship we choose to have with Him- because it is a choice- one that we renew daily (hopefully).
Ok- other stuff... hmmm,I don't have too much to say... (what??) If you see this and want to comment that would be great. If not, well I hope it speaks to you. I thought I would be really tired of the song by the time I was done with this- you had to keep starting and stopping, trying to get the timing right, and I thought my kids would be tired of it- but shockingly, they are not. In fact, they like the song. Anyway, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Forgiveness and Values

I heard a very interesting mini sermon today that focused on the theme of forgiveness, and how as Christians we are called to "forgive others as we forgive ourselves." It made me think of quite a few things- the first and foremost, was that forgiveness is at times a chore- something I struggle with greatly. Not something I'm proud to admit, but it's true. I have a hard time forgiving people- mainly because I have a hard time forgiving myself. I'm my worst critic- it's never good enough, right enough, moral enough, I could have done better, and so on and so on.

The sentence that grabbed me, convicted me, and really made me think was: "As Christians we are called to live as Christ did, to live from a place of values and not feelings." WOW. Double wow. This really speaks to me on multiple levels- as a Christian, as a woman, and as someone who has struggled greatly over the last year just trying to get through the day.

As a Christian I struggle with the concept that God loved us, loves us enough to send his own son to die for our sins- and that in this death Christ offers us the ultimate forgiveness- think about it- how often do you do things for people you are angry at, that you are holding a grudge against, that have hurt you and you haven't let go of that hurt? If you're like me, not many times. But yet, here was this man- this king- and he forgave us the fact that he had to die for us. He showed us how to live from a place of value in that one act- not to mention all the other acts. WOW.

As a woman- well, really, does this need explanation? I mean, for the most part we are pretty touchy feely creatures. Feelings- that's the good stuff. Pull up a chair and we'll talk. As an artist- well that's even more important- I want my art, other's art to touch you, to evoke feelings, that lead to thoughts, that lead to more feelings. So to think about putting my feelings aside seems a little foreign to me.

As someone who has struggled with forgiveness this last year- perhaps this is just what I needed to hear- a reminder that I need to forgive, need to let go, and to live from a place of value. I've spent much time this last year trying to figure out how the people closest to me could hurt me when I was down, and how to let that go. It's not been easy- at all- but maybe, just maybe, that letting go, and living from a place of value will bring me that much closer to God, and to what he calls me to do. On multiple levels- in all aspects of my life.

Really makes me think- here I was trying to live by my values, integrity, and to hear this and realize that hey, I might just be missing the mark.
Food for thought- and thought needed for action.


Saturday, January 19, 2008

Odds and Ends

Hi! Happy Winter! Ah, the sight of snow, the smell of hot chocolate and the idea of snuggling up under a blanket and watching movies or reading a good, or even a bad book- does it get any better than this? Winter is great- as long as you remember the good things about it. Notice I'm NOT talking about how dirty my car is from the salt, or how high my heating bills are- that's right- we're not talking about it. Want to know why? Well, I can't change it, so I'm not focusing on it.
One of the not so good things about winter that I will discuss- and I'm sure blog about again- is math. Normal, everyday old math- you know a+b=c or something like that. In case you haven't guessed it- I have to take a math class this semester. Which could be bad- as in really bad. The last math class I took, was well, too long ago to remember. So, this is going to be a challenge. I'm not really sure why I have to have this class- I've done pretty well all these years doing things like, oh say, balancing my checkbook, figuring out things like taxes and square footage for lots of things- roofs, floors, carpet. Why exactly do I need to know the square root of whatever power of anything? Oh that's right- to get this d--- degree. And why am I doing this again?
Why am I doing this- a question I have asked myself more than once this week- as I've stressed over converse and inverse statements, rules of logic (me, logical?), and other mathy stuff. Give me art- colors, tints, hues, chiaroscuro, tenenbrism,contrast, Poussin, Caravaggio. Give me things that breathe that feel, that touch a part of someone. But I guess I've got to get through this. Not sure why when I feel like quitting- but God doesn't seem to agree with that idea. I'm not "hearing" that it's ok to quit. So- being the faithful servant that I try to be, I'll hang in there. I might complain about it- but I'll hang.
For anyone out there that might feel like attempting to post a reply- ( I know it's rather difficult, and many times the replies don't show up) - my theological question of the week. Why is it that sometimes when you pray, you can really feel God's spirit with you and other times you don't? Is it that you've opened yourself more fully up to God? I think that everything we pray about is important- if our God can count the hairs on our heads then he can care about the things we care to pray about (how's that for logic?). Ok. Just asking. Trying to understand my relationship with my savior a little better. Not that doing so is really possible in my finite little mind- but hey, I'm human AND female- we like to talk, think, figure out relationships!
Ok, until next time- Blessings and love,

Monday, January 7, 2008

I Start The Day The War Begins

Endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in...

This fits with my mood today - A storm I'm in. I guess life is a storm- one wave rode after another. Parenting is one such example. I thought- and I was so wrong- that when your kids "got grown" it would become easier. That is NOT at all the case.

My youngest son is seriously contemplating joining the marines. The parent in me is terrified of this- the democrat in me horrified. I'm really struggling with this. I want to support him in what he feels he needs to do- but why this? Why the need to enter into something that is so risk filled? The headlines bring news everyday of the youth that are killed in combat- and for what? How can joining the marines make life better- what space will this fill, what good can come of it? Where is God in this decision- Lord help him, help him make the choices that would help him achieve what it is in life he wants to achieve- and Lord, please, please keep him safe.
What as a parent do I do? Do I offer up my obvious negative views of this- or do I keep quiet and try to encourage and support him?
Do I share my fears for him, for our country and this war we are in? I'm so torn.
Pray for him, for me, and for his twin sister- who is struggling with this as much as I am.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

I Know The Plans I Have For You

For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not calamity, to give you a future and a hope. Jer. 29:11

Goodbye 2007 HELLO 2008! The end of a year of pain and heartache and the beginning of something new. I meant to post the sunset photo last night- to signify the close of 2007, the sun setting on another day and better yet, another year. This was taken sometime in early December- I was driving to school, and saw an opportunity to take this photo-so I pulled off and did. I love the colors. The majesty of the moment and the knowledge that it was a gift from God to me, and others who really took the time to experience it.
As I look back over the last year I wonder how the scripture that I started this with plays out in the last year. I'm sure it does, I'm just not sure of the calamity part- some translations use the word harm for calamity. I guess that in the end I really haven't been harmed- although at times it has felt like it!
So goodbye to the old- hello to the new. It's a wonderful thing. I think that out of everything that has come out of the last year the desire to have a deeper faith and to trust more, and really having grown in that department is key. So, if nothing else 2007 brought growth, and what's growth without growing pains. Hopefully 2008 will bring more growth- but not more growing pains! May God keep me and bless me, and anyone who reads this.