Dreams

I made the comment today that I really, really hated that word right now- dreams, or perhaps I said that I was really tired of it. I think it was that I was tired of it. It's come up on a regular basis lately, which is pretty scary, considering the thoughts I've had lately of letting dreams go, of moving on, of finding other paths, journeys, desires.
I question the timing of these thoughts, and of the origin. Are they of me, in my finite humanness or of God, in his infinite wisdom and goodness? I wonder at this greatly, because I believe that God is consistent, and the things he has brought me to have been consistent. So... it must be me.Ok, so, do I throw away things that I've worked so hard for, only to regret that in the future, or do I hold on to the things that God holds for me, and have faith in his word, vision, dreams? Only time will tell...

On to other topics- photography is killing me. I am doing so poorly right now.I mean, BAD. As of now there goes that 4.0! Makes me wonder at all the above even more... and then we get this really, really cool assignment. To put images to whatever song it is we wish- it can be a video set to instrumental music, images set to a song we like, anything. I was debating on doing a montage of photos that relayed the steps of grief that one works through when faced with the loss of a loved one. At first I thought that this would be a way to work further through the pain of losing LBH, but I'm shying away from that one. A little too much of me in it, a little too personal and painful.
So, that one's out- for now. One of the great things about being female is that God, in his infinite wisdom, gave us the ability to be able to justify our changing moods! My next idea is to do a "video", a personal look at the images I think of when I hear a song. Ok, like that's not personal. Being female here! The song is my current favorite, East to West, Casting Crowns. I've worked through most of it, which is pretty easy, considering that almost all music influences some thought of images in my mind- so this hasn't been too hard. I am a little hung up on the lines:
I don't want to end up where you found me
and it echoes through my mind
so if anyone has any ideas for that, please write. I was thinking about showing neon from a bar, but that gives the wrong idea- if people take this as my personal look at this song then they might get the idea that alcohol plays a part in what I don't want to go back to- but that's not the case. I really just don't want to go back to being a person who didn't have a real relationship with God, but I'm not sure how to portray that.
Ok, well enough for one night. Please pray for me over the next week as I struggle with the decisions that need made, the dreams that need faced, and the things I stand to loose- like myself.
In Christ's name-
Amen