Sunday, September 23, 2007

Really Cute Kids

Are these girls great or what? Finally- something to take photos of that I love! No, really, I"m starting to get the hang of it- just had to show off these two- my step-grands. I had them most of the weekend, so many of my photos for this week feature them. Good thing they like getting their picture taken, although Lily was pretty tired and was not willing to smile. I call that her-"Grandma Teri has worn me out look"- wish I could say that it made bedtime easy- but that was NOT the case. Riley has her usual look, a combination of determination and devilment. What a combo- one of these days she'll take the world on single handed- and win!
It's great being a grandma- (or step grand)- God really has this figured out- I came to the conclusion yesterday, sometime between Chucky Cheese's, grocery shopping with these two, church and bedtime, that menopause is a great thing. I used to consider it a curse- didn't seem fair to me that men could have kids until the day they die, but women are cut off, (and in my case that happened unnaturally early), but now I get it. Who has the strength to do this 24/7? Not I said the fly!
But really, it was great. A blessing, one that I can't thank God enough for. In fact, this whole weekend was great. Time with God, time with my girls, and time with my sweetheart. Life doesn't get any better than this!
Until next time- may God bless and keep you and hold you close.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Another day, another ???

Another day-Is it Friday yet???? This is really the never ending week at work- one obstacle after the other. Funny how quickly I learned to live for the weekend. After working a job for years that required I work part of the weekend, I find it amazing that in two short years I have so embraced weekends off and relish the long holidays that pop up throughout the year. God is good!

It's all good. Great news- I get the opportunity to design a complete marketing campaign- from the new logo, and all the company literature, to the direct mail, and the print campaign. My first total campaign on my own. Can you tell I'm excited? I love logo design- taking the ideals and character of the company, and creating something that fits with who they are and who they want to be. This is so cool! My one thought is that I really, really, really hope this company is in the 21st century and wants something modern. One of my loves is abstract form, and I'm hoping to utilize that in some way. We'll see.

It kind of amazes me, this path God set me on. If someone had told me 10 years ago that I would be a graphic designer, and would have not only attended college but aced it, well, I would have laughed at them. Dreams really do come true! I read a book a few years ago, The Aladdin Factor, by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen, and in it one of the exercises was to write down 101 wishes. I recently found my list, and can say that I've worked through roughly 20-30% of those wishes. It was pretty amazing to see that, considering when I wrote it I really thought none of them would come true. So, considering that, I'm going to own all of them, and work towards them!

Another ???- ok, I warned you about the photos. I like this one, but think that perhaps I need to photoshop out the wires and the transformer box. It really represents the beauty of the day and the lines are great. And just think- I took it. Wow.( I know, people who do this for a living, or even fun might not get that, but this is me- the person who for DECADES hid from any type of dealing with a camera- behind or in front of the lens.) Any thoughts?

Lord- thank you, for all you do, all you promise and all you provide. Let my heart and life be yours, lead me and I will follow. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Gotta go- later days...

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Ever hear the Casting Crowns song East to West? One of the lines really stands out in my head
-I don't want to end up where You found me, And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight.

I'm struggling this week, with many things, faced with seemingly unending issues that need to be dealt with, and the strong thought that my faith is smaller right now than a mustard seed, and so unsure of how to build it, how to step out in it. I pray and pray, and am so unclear of the direction in which to do, the steps to take, the decisions to make. One thing that is constant is the idea that I don't want to go back to where God found me- hence the pull of the song. I wonder if God hears me. I hope so. I think he does, so perhaps the question should be, I wonder if I hear God? Am I listening? If not, then why?

Ok, enough of that. Time for some good thoughts. Like the photo? I do. I'm in a photography class, (which, by the way is kicking my rear end because I just don't get this stuff), and one of the assignments for this week dealt with taking close ups. While the composition isn't the best- I wish it wasn't so centered, I love the colors. I visited Gorman's Farm over the weekend, and had a blast walking around with my camera. Thank God for digital- so easy to delete the horrible ones, and there were quite a few of them! But, this one worked. Hope you enjoy it. Til next time. Blessings!

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Missing LBH

One of my dearest, lifelong friends passed away earlier this year, Loretta Beth Heile Hancock, or as she was known to me, LBH. I used to tease her right after she got married that I found it very thoughtful of her to marry someone with the last name that had the same initial of her maiden name, that way my pet name for her didn't have to change. How long ago that seems. A lifetime and a death has occurred since then. I miss her, some days more than others. I find myself still picking up a phone to call her to share some little tidbit that is important to me that only she would understand. Sometimes late at night I find that the memories won't stop running through my mind, and the tears start to flow, and I wonder if I'm slowly losing my mind, or if this is normal, a part of the stages of grief that one must go through to get to the other side of a death.

Maybe it's that this is a holiday weekend, or that I got to see her kids, but I can't get her out of my thoughts today. She's been on my mind quite a bit. Truth be told there hasn't been a day in the last 30 odd years that she didn't run through my mind at least once, even during the times that we weren't in as much contact as we once were. Death hasn't changed that. What's changed is the brutal realization that all the things I would store up to share with her won't be shared anymore. That file on the computer, with all the little ideas and projects that I would send her won't get sent anymore, that the good or bad news of the day and the week stay with me, that the pride and joys of everyday life stop here.

In one of our last conversations she asked me who I was sharing all the little details with- I had screened back tremendously what I shared with her, with the idea that she had enough of her own troubles to deal with, cancer, young children, husband, that she didn't need to her my trials, tribulations and heartbreak. In doing that I did myself and her a great disservice. I lost time and memories that will never be regained. I wish with all my heart I could change that.

I think the thing I miss most about her is the history we shared, all the ups and downs. The idea that I could share my deepest thoughts with her and not have to worry that she would find me strange, or think I was crazy. And that she could do the same. Friends like that don't come along every day. I've been blessed to have a few relationships like this in my life, but the one I shared with LBH was the longest, and as I grow older that is so important to me.

Her death makes me wonder what it's like on the other side, what is to come, and what can I do before it comes. Who can I touch, who can I love and what good will life be. I find myself clinging, (maybe too much) to the people that are still here, and worrying about things I can't control. I keep reminding myself of the scripture that tells us to not worry about tomorrow for today has enough troubles, and yet it's so hard.

I miss you Lori. You are loved.