Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thanksgiving 2009

Was a pretty good day in many ways. Lots of food, fun and family. My brothers were together for the first time in a loooooong time. That was good. Don was feeling good, after spending the night in the hospital earlier in the week. I was glad to see that.

Every year it gets a little more strange to go spend the holidays with the ex and his family. Not sure why but it does. Maybe because the kids are grown and don't need my "protection" anymore? Really not sure. I think a part of it is because I missed someone- TD&H, who was hundreds, maybe thousands of miles away. But then maybe not, since we don't do well on holidays...another topic for another post.

Or maybe it was the bittersweet fact that this was the last holiday that I will have with my daughter living with me. At least until I'm old and in diapers. Not a pleasant thought. YUCK! She moves today. I know she's ready for it. But I'm not. Or not as ready as I could be, but then I might never be totally ready. Mom misses her already. OK- I know, she's going to be like 5 minutes away. But it won't be the same. Maybe it will be better. Who knows.


Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Having More Patience

My scripture for today was Zechariah 4:6- "Not by might nor by power but by my spirit", says the Lord of Hosts.

What did that mean for me, for today? It meant that God doesn't work in the way I would, or in the time I would. He works in His time, through the Spirit. So, for today I was going to try and have more patience, and wait for His time, to pray more, to be grateful for what I have and not to worry about everything under the sun.

I didn't do very well at much of this. Well, I did pray more than I have been. That's good. I'm on a mission to have a deeper faith...or at least get back to where I used to be. So that was good. Patience, well, that went out the window about 10 minutes into the work day. AND let me just tell you- I prayed a lot throughout the day for more patience. For more forgiveness. For more grace, for myself and others. Did it help? I'm not sure, but I did get through the day without confronting anyone. That's a good thing. So, prayer helped.

Worrying...I always worry. I think it's hardwired deep in my soul. I worry about everything. I wish I didn't. This season, the holiday season, always brings more worries. That, I have figured out, lies in my childhood, and most of my adult life as a single parent. Life hasn't always been easy. But it has been fun, and full of love. And that's what counts. So, it's all good.

Hopefully tomorrow I will do better on whatever my scripture is, and how it makes me feel. I'll let you know.

Prayers and love,

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Trying to do this every day is (almost) impossible

I've really tried to do this every day, or, I should say , I have really thought about doing this every day. But actually sitting down and doing it is more a problem. After a long day at work on the computer, I really have very little desire to do it.Hmmm.

That thought - and ones like it- have helped me figure out something. And you get to hear it- aren't you the lucky ones! (maybe not?) Ok- the thought's roots lie in faith. More specifically, what I feel is a lessening of faith. Maybe not a lessening, more of a distance. I feel like my faith isn't what it once was, isn't what it should be, or what I want it to be. I think a part of this lie in the feeling that worship is now a job, or more of a chore. It's hard to balance what needs to be done at the church and what I can do. There's lots that need done, and I feel that I should be a good minister's "wife" and do as much as I can. But then I feel overwhelmed.

I can't , or don't, really talk to the SO about this anymore. It causes too great of a conflict. At least sometimes. Sometimes it just requires too much of an effort. And energy I don't have. So, where does that leave me? I wonder if there is a support group for women who date ministers and are really involved in their churches. Somewhere we could go to "let our hair down", gripe about all the challenges, and have somebody understand. Maybe I can start one. Nah, takes too much energy.

So, here's the plan. Getting back to where I was, at least in faith. Hey, if I could do that in other ways, like, oh say, lose 20 pounds- OR BETTER YET, 20 YEARS!- that would be nice. But right now, I'll focus on faith. So, it means getting closer to God, finding ways to feed spiritually- like attending service at a church that feeds me. That doesn't mean I give up my church- just that I embrace that one feeds me and one allows me to hopefully help feed others. That's a good balance I hope.

Ok. hands hurt so that's a sign to quit.
Love and blessings,

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Ok, I've Missed A Few...

Hi! It's really hard to do this every day- especially on the weekends. There is just not enough time in the day. And to be honest, after spending the day from hell at work on the computer, I really have been avoiding it at home. Seems I have ulnar nerve damage in both hands. Don't ask me what that is-- all I know is that my hands hurt REALLY BAD. All the time. Kinda really sucks.

So, what's going on here. Baby girl's getting ready to move out. Her room, and most of the upstairs is packed to the brim with boxes. She moves out on the holiday weekend- which is the same weekend as my birthday. Happy birthday to me. NOT! I know I should be happy about this, it's time, she's ready but it's a huge change for me. And as many of the nearest and dearest to my heart will tell you, I don't do change well. That is totally such an understatement.

Getting ready for the holidays. Making lots of stuff, which is really hard considering I have Ulnar nerve damage, whatever the heck that is. But I have to make stuff. It's like hard wired in me to create. Create lots of stuff. I'm making lots of presents, because, I like making things for people. It's more personal. And I'm making a Christmas quilt (photos coming)- but that probably won't get done since it's for me, and things for me tend to take a back seat to eberything else. (I wonder how unhealthy that is?) So, look for photos of everything. One of the things I'm really excited about is the painting I'm going to do for Steph. Ican't wait.

Guess I can start getting excited about having a room in the house where I can leave all my artwork spread around and not have to worry about putting it up....
until next time ( maybe tomorrow?)

Saturday, November 7, 2009

ET Phone Home

Missed a day yesterday posting. Had a crappy day at work... maybe more on that later. For now- my oldest is MIA. If I can find a photo I will post it. He was last seen on the Louisville, KY area. If he reads this, or anyone else that knows him reads this and has seen him, please let me know.


Thursday, November 5, 2009

Meet Flappie

Anybody have one of these? It's my virtual pet at work. The premise is that you feed it- the chicken leg, play with it- the smiley face, and discipline it- when needed- the !!, make it take naps- the zz's- and someday it will grow into something. Not sure what.

Let me just tell you about my vp. He's 34 today, well yesterday really, but hey- he made it to 34. My record was 29 before this, but my boss killed him when I was on vacation. Poor Flaps. He was I revived him. But I think we have a problem...see, he's lived his whole life in the dark., as evidenced by the stars in the background. He's supposed to live just like us, daylight and dark. But he doesn't.

So, I've come to the strong conclusion that my Flappie is a vampire. It's the only reason I can think of that he lives in the dark. Well, another reason could be that my mac at work is just a piece of garbage, and won't update his status. But it's nicer to think that he's (it's?) a vampire on some level.

I know. So random. Still sad- see yesterday's post. Trying to look on the bright side. Trying to smile.
Flappie makes me smile.
Blessings and love,

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Day 3- Rampant Emotions

Hi. Today's been a rough day. Started out with the people in my house ignoring and bitching at me. Not a good way to start any day. Proceeded on to work and all the tension there. It's not a stretch to say I really dislike my job- for lots of reasons- but right now the tension is so thick...

Then- I tore a hole in my pants-- way to go ace. I would post a photo but then the whole Internet- or at least the people who read this- up to like 1500+- would see my fat rear end. So, that's just not gonna happen.

Then home again. I had cooked in the crock pot, and was planning a nice evening- had the materials so I could work on the bulletin- thus freeing up my Thursday evening- hey, maybe I could see that beau of mine BUT I got some unsettling news. While it's good news on one hand, I'm really sad about it one the other. My daughter is moving out.

I repeat...MY DAUGHTER IS MOVING OUT. While a part of me is glad to see her at this crossroad of life a HUGE part of me is just not ready for it. I am very sad. There is no other way to describe it right now. I'm sure the sadness won't last. And I'm sure I will find lots of things to use her room for. Like a art/reading/office. Among other things. And she's not taking the dogs- which makes me happy. I would be one sad pup, pun intended, if she and the pups left at the same time.

But right now I'm just sad. Tomorrow will be different. I hope.

Pray for us, pray for her and her new start on life. She's had a good foundation- she's a good kid, i.e. young adult, and she's ready for this. But mom's struggling...

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Day 2...and the thought is...

The thought for the day...or rather a question. What did I do now? I find myself asking that question concerning lots of things. Tension at work, lack of communication in relationships, things at church, things with friends.
I don't think it will surprise anyone that I'm really tired of that question. Makes me want to throw the towel in on lots of things. But I don't -- why you might ask- well, I'm Irish- pretty stubborn. I really just don't like to quit.

BUT--- I would like to have more days when I don't ask that question than I do...
maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Simple Pleasures

In honor of National blogging month I'm going to try and do this every day this month. OK_ let me be the first to say I ALREADY MISSED A DAY. Oh well. I have good intentions.

Some of life's simple pleasures...

Matching all the socks in a load of laundry

A good meal and then a clean kitchen

morning kisses (from people and pets)

sunny fall days, and pretty falling leaves

lazy days off reading a good book

a day when my hands aren't hurting so much I can't function

I loves yous

til tomorrow....