Footprints and Voices

I'm sure just about everyone in the Christian world has seen or read the Footprints poem- you know, the one that starts with "one night a man had a dream". Why do I mention that, and why is this the title of today's blog, you might ask. Well, today I know I'm that man, or should I say woman. God is really carrying me. I know he is, because I'm still here on this earth, yet I have no strength to carry myself. I won't go into the gory details, but I have the certainty that God is walking with me right now, and carrying a huge part of a heavy load. It makes me wonder why- why He would care? There are more important people in this world, people who have done more than I can ever imagine doing, so why would he care about me? In my mind the feebleness and smallness of who I am stands out strong today. Why do I count, why does He even care to know how many hairs are on my head.

When I was a little girl I always thought that when I met God I would ask Him things like why is the sky blue, where does rain come from, are they really His tears.. etc. Now that I'm old- (and believe me, today I feel old), I want to know things like why do I matter to you. What dreams does He want me to live, and how can someone as small and insignificant as myself serve such a great and glorious God. It doesn't make any sense to me. But not much does right now.

Voices- do you ever really desire to hear God, to hear what He has to say to you, to know His thoughts, desires and direction for you life? That is perhaps the largest personal desire I have right now, to hear HIM, to understand HIM and to let HIM guide me. That probably sounds really strange, more so to the people who know what a mess my life is, but it's my secret desire. I wonder if discernment is gift, if understanding what God really wants you to do and where he wants you to go is a gift. I wonder how he speaks to me. I know that a part of God's language to me comes through song. There are so many times when am thinking something, and a song comes on the radio that speaks to the exact thing I'm thinking of. And at those times, I know it's God. I know, I probably sound like I've lost all my marbles. And maybe I have, if it means that I'm attempting to hear My God speak to me.

The song that keeps running through my mind today is from Casting Crowns, and the refrain goes like this:

And i'll praise you in this storm
and i will lift my hands
that you are who you are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
you hold in your hand
you never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

I seek comfort in knowing He holds all my tears, and boy, does He have some big hands- because there have been many over the last few days! I will praise Him in this storm!

God, for all you've done, for every tear you've held, for the words and comfort you've given me I thank you. Lord, lead me, strengthen me and love me. Guide me to where you want me to be, what you want me to do and to those who you would have me love as you love me. In your loving son's name, Amen.