A Plan? or a crossroad?

Jer. 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I think I'm having some type of crisis of faith. I want to believe that God has some plan for me, but I can't seem to figure out what it is for the life of me. Every have one of those days, (or weeks or months?) And when you do, do you have a hard time seeing the good you do? I guess that assumes we all do some good. I would like to make that assumption, especially about myself, but days, weeks, like this make it hard to see that.

I used to think that God was calling me to ministry, some type of work that would reach people through some form of art. I'm not sure about that anymore. At all. It's hard to be creative when you feel as if the life has been sucked right out of you. That's where I'm at. It makes me wonder if God can even use me at all, or for what. Not a pleasant thought.

I wonder if the times like this are the times when satan works in us. I find myself searching for good in all the areas of my life, and yet I come up lacking. Is it me, I wonder. What is it that seems like nothing ever goes right, or the way you really want it too?

I've put a lot of thought into walking away from everything and everyone. I guess you might call it running. Sometimes it doesn't sound so bad. Some days it sounds really, really good. Just think about it- going away where no one knows you, no one has any idea of who you are. Starting fresh. Except wherever you run too, well two things happen- one, if God wants you, and I do believe he wants us all, well, He is still there, pulling at you and calling you. And 2- well, I would still be with me, I can't very well run from myself. Kinda sucks, but hey, that's life. Then there's the people you would leave behind. I might not be a great person, but I'd like to think that the people in my life value me as much as I value them, but there's a good portion of the time I'm not so sure about that.

So it's a kind of crossroads- keeping on the path that I feel God has for me- even when I have ABSOLUTELY no idea what that path entails, or turning away from it all together- but what of the my soul. Where does that lead me? That's a little scary to even think about.

I'm not even sure why I'm writing this, because I feel as if it's me against the world today, and no one is hearing my voice. Why blog? Can't tell you right now. Maybe that will change.

Lord, be with me today. Show me your plan, guide me to where you want me to be. Help me to be the loving person you desire me to be. In Jesus name, Amen.