I've really tried to do this every day, or, I should say , I have really thought about doing this every day. But actually sitting down and doing it is more a problem. After a long day at work on the computer, I really have very little desire to do it.Hmmm.
That thought - and ones like it- have helped me figure out something. And you get to hear it- aren't you the lucky ones! (maybe not?) Ok- the thought's roots lie in faith. More specifically, what I feel is a lessening of faith. Maybe not a lessening, more of a distance. I feel like my faith isn't what it once was, isn't what it should be, or what I want it to be. I think a part of this lie in the feeling that worship is now a job, or more of a chore. It's hard to balance what needs to be done at the church and what I can do. There's lots that need done, and I feel that I should be a good minister's "wife" and do as much as I can. But then I feel overwhelmed.
I can't , or don't, really talk to the SO about this anymore. It causes too great of a conflict. At least sometimes. Sometimes it just requires too much of an effort. And energy I don't have. So, where does that leave me? I wonder if there is a support group for women who date ministers and are really involved in their churches. Somewhere we could go to "let our hair down", gripe about all the challenges, and have somebody understand. Maybe I can start one. Nah, takes too much energy.
So, here's the plan. Getting back to where I was, at least in faith. Hey, if I could do that in other ways, like, oh say, lose 20 pounds- OR BETTER YET, 20 YEARS!- that would be nice. But right now, I'll focus on faith. So, it means getting closer to God, finding ways to feed spiritually- like attending service at a church that feeds me. That doesn't mean I give up my church- just that I embrace that one feeds me and one allows me to hopefully help feed others. That's a good balance I hope.
Ok. hands hurt so that's a sign to quit.
Love and blessings,
TC
No comments:
Post a Comment