2010

Wow, another year- heck, another decade. I'm not sure if I'm glad to see the old year go. I guess I'm just not sure about the old year at all. There weren't many highs or lows, just a bunch of in things betweens. I thought about setting New Year's resolutions, but they always get broken, don't they? So, after reflecting over the past year I came up with a few things. NOT RESOLUTIONS. Just things I want to do...
...I want to be happy. That might sound strange, but I figured out that for much of 2009 I was sad. Not unhappy, just sad. The kind of sad that makes it hard to get outta bed. The kind of sad that makes it hard to find happy in the small things. The kind of sad that made it hard to be around people, 'cause I just didn't have it in me to put on a happy face. I guess I did pretty well at hiding it- not many people seemed to catch on. Or maybe, not many people cared enough to ask? The kind of sad that was probably clinical, and needed help, which I didn't get. And probably won't get now. I don't feel as sad lately. I was dreading the holidays, for many reasons, but mostly because I was afraid they would make me sadder. They didn't. I got into decorating, although a little late, I got into shopping, and spent way too much, and I really got into the extra days off. Loved that part. So, that made me a little happier than I have been in a while. Which is good.
...I want to do more for me, and less for others. 2010 might just be the year of being incredibly selfish. I've never been a selfish person, so this might be a challenge, but one I'm willing to take on. I want to put me first for a change. I'm really not sure how that looks, or what it means, but it sounds good and feels right. So, we'll see.
...I want to develop a closer relationship with God, a more personal relationship. That might mean doing things that make me feel closer to Him. Reading, Prayer, Really loud worship music. Taking as well as giving. Heaven help me, but being a pastor's SO is really trying at times- and that makes church more a job than a worship experience. So, things on that front might change. Maybe I'll not do as much. Maybe I'll make a point to worship at a church that feeds me every week. Not sure on that yet either, but it feels right.
...I want to create. Which is great- the urge to do this hasn't been there in a long while. It's like a part of me, I need to create just as much as I need to breathe. I am totally enjoying having this feeling back. I hope it lasts. I hope I can create what is inside me. Stay tuned. Creating includes lots of things, one of them writing, and I'm sure that there will be lots of posts and hopefully plenty of artwork and photos to share.
Love and blessings,
HAPPY NEW YEAR,
tc