Tuesday, January 3, 2012


It seems so strange to be writing 2012. Guess I never thought I'd see this...for a long time I had some strange idea I would die in 30's. Not sure why. Probably some strange half wish of mine. I've spent lots of time in my life contemplating or at least giving some thought to suicide. I'm kinda glad I never made it that far along that path...at least today anyway. Perhaps that thought will come my way again, who knows. Sometimes life just gets to be too painful. But today's good- and tomorrow holds promise. And God loves me even when I don't love myself. And I'm a coward- I really don't like pain, so I guess I would never really hurt myself. Besides, my kids still need me even though they are grown, and Autumn deserves a chance to know and love her grandma as much as her grandma loves her.

Yeap, I said grandma- another thing I never really thought would be or wanted to be a grandma. Boy, was I wrong. That little girl has me wrapped around both her little fingers. And I'm ok with that. It amazes me- the depth of love I feel for her. She's just perfect. Steph and Mike have really been blessed- she's such a good baby. Only cries when she's hungry or wet, and has slept through the night since she was a month old. They better stop while they are ahead, lol. The next one will be a terror. Here is she- my girly. That's the look she tends to give me any time I break out my camera. Which, I will admit is alot- like every time I see her. I can't help it- they grow up so fast, and I feel like I've forgotten so much of my own kids lives, I don't want to forget a minute of hers. Besides, she's so darn pretty.
My Girly
Speaking of photos- I signed up for a advanced class thru MSJ. One good thing about graduating from there- you can audit classes for 50.00- UC wants full the amount to audit. So, I'm looking forward to that. So, hopefully I will learn lots of new techniques to use in shooting her, and other things. I really want to get a new lens- first a AF-S Nikkor 28-300mm, then perhaps something a little more specialized. Not sure what that looks like right now but I can dream...

So, the grandbaby, photo classes and hopefully lots of photo taking, and other things to look forward to, I plan on trying to reconnect with this, to journal, share and post photos. Hopefully it will work.

I tried taking some photos of Christmas lights- I didn't realize how hard it was to do. A learning experience for sure...
Until next time...Happy 2012.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Love you- never have those thoughts again! Autumn needs her grandma and I need my mom (always will, even when you think I don't). I love you.